Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
