I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
