Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
