did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
