just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
