just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
