if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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