Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
