Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
