I never want to see another naked old woman again.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
