I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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