dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
