i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
