yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
