grandma shit on top of the toilet
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have feelings that need drinking.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
