If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
