On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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