i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
