i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
