i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
