You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Randomize
