so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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