Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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