WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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