I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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