It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
