You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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