hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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