he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
