They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
