We're like a lot better than the average bears
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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