that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
