walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
