I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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