Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
