I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
