Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
