I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
