it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
