My sheets look like a crime scene.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
