It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
