yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
