Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
