You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
