My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
