Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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