Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
