I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
