In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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