He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
