Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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