I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
