im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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